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Everyday Interventions for Everyday People
Helping Someone Who Is Being Abused
You can be an important part of an individual’s journey to safety. For many people, it takes a lot of time, planning, outside help and courage to escape the abuse perpetrated by an intimate partner. In the meantime, it is important for them to know that help is available from people who care about their safety and well-being and that being abused is never their fault.
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| If you see an assault in progress, take action |
Call 911 or find a security guard or alert store management immediately. Do not assume that someone else has done so. If you are in your car, you may choose to honk your horn to draw attention to what is happening. These situations can be unpredictable and possibly dangerous, so be sure to keep yourself safe. But do take action.
Advise the victim against leaving a trail. Help people understand that all technology such as phones, cell phones, computers, and pagers can be traced. An abusive person who is trying to control someone else may know how to find out who their victim has been contacting. Let the victim know that Esperanza, as well as other agencies, can instruct them in ways of hiding this trail so that they can get the information they need to make informed decisions. |
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| Lend a listening ear without judging |
Tell the person you are concerned and that you care about them and their children and that you want to listen to what they are experiencing. If they are willing to talk, listen carefully and empathetically, in a safe place. Believe them. Do not underestimate their fear of danger or the actual danger they are in by telling them to confront their abuser. Also avoid the question, “what did you do to make him so angry?” It puts the blame on the survivor and may make it difficult to trust you. You may want to say instead that no one deserves to be abused, and you know where they can get help from people who are very familiar with situations like theirs. Let them know that there is also help for their children, even if children do not witness the violence, they ARE affected by it. |
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| Allow them to make their own decisions |
As you listen, try to understand the many obstacles that keep people from getting free of the abusive relationship. If they are being abused, their partner is probably exercising a lot of control over their life. Making choices for themselves, even if it is staying with the abuser for now – is often a first step towards reclaiming their independence. If they leave the offender and later return, try to be consistent and do not withdraw your support. There are many reasons, including: fear, lack of money or other resources, or pressure from family members that may cause a woman to return to her offender. Many victims of domestic violence must leave and return, many times, before leaving for good. |
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| Help them access community services |
Gather information about Esperanza or other domestic violence programs in your area that offer safety, advocacy, support, legal information and other services. Offer to help your friend contact Esperanza’s 24-hour hotline. Sometimes contacting a social service agency can be intimidating. Inform the survivor that Esperanza will never turn a victim away. Be careful if you offer safety in your home. An abused person frequently faces the most danger when they try to flee and you could face threats and harm from the abuser. |
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| Help them make a plan |
Let the victim know that Esperanza can assist them in creating a personalized “Safety Plan.” A “Safety Plan” can help a woman identify her safest options and what she may want to take with her if she decides to leave. Whether or not the victim calls Esperanza, encourage them to think about and plan what they may need to take with them if they must leave their house quickly. Other victims have found it helpful to have these items together somewhere so that they can easily be taken in a hurry. |
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Everyday Interventions for Everyday People Posters
Click each poster for a preview
 
Please give us your feedback on the posters by
emailing resources@esperanzashelter.org
To request copies of the posters available in three sizes call Ellen Feighny, MSW (505) 474-5536 |
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